Shh...
by Angel Grrl
Summary: Draco and Hermione have TWO relationships...the one everyone knows about and the physical one they share secretly. However, Draco has a revelation at that year's Yule Ball about his true feelings for Hermione...and fights them every step of the way. Pleas


A/N: Here's a early b-day present for my friend Devil Grrl. Cause I know how much she likes   
this drama-romantical shiznat! ^_^ But so do i. D/H romance. Enjoy! Be gentle with flames.  
  
Disclaimer: I own jack squat!  
  
  
"Shh...."  
By: Angel Grrl  
  
  
-------  
  
"Especially do not feign affection."  
-- Max Ehrman 'Desiderata'  
-------  
  
I touched Heaven.  
  
They say that the only way to do such a thing is to die and leave this world forever.   
That's not true. I found that I could reach Heaven and touch the face of God and even hear the   
angels play the Hallejuah Chorus, and then come right back down to Earth. I had found Heaven,   
only it wasn't a place. It was a woman.   
I looked over at her sleeping form as she lay nestled against my chest. I could hear her   
snoring softly, her breath tickling my chest hair. It was funny, when she was asleep she looked  
so peaceful. Who knew that beneath those closed lids there lay eyes of emerald lightning that   
flashed when she was angry and glowed bright green in that moment of pure ecstasy? I did. I   
knew alot of things about this woman.   
I knew she had a passion for art and music. I knew what her favourite book was. I knew   
that she had a secret love for vanilla ice cream with slices of banana. I even knew her most   
intimates of intimates.  
Reaching over slightly, I brushed my hand through her hair as she slept, feeling how   
soft it was, despite being so bushy. It was a soft brown, almost like almond shells and at   
the moment was gleaming with a soft sheen of sweat. Looking back towards her beautiful face,   
I was greeted with two green eyes looking up into my ice-blue.  
She was smiling at me tiredly and her eyes were filled with something akin to longing   
and resistance. I knew that look as well. Knew it all too well. She breathed deeply and   
closed her eyes again and snuggled closer to me, my hand intertwining with hers. Our fingers   
barely touching. We watched our hands as they touched and caressed one another.  
  
"Don't go,"  
  
She turned away from our cojoined hands and looked at me, a sadness in her eyes.  
  
"I have to,"  
"Why?"  
"You know why, Draco. They must not know...HE must not know,"  
"But Hermione, I lo--"  
"Shh..."  
  
She put her finger over my lips as she said this. Looking upwards at me, she told me   
that we must keep up this act. This play of hating and loathing of one another, when in truth,   
there was only desire and passion.  
Sighing with disappointment, I looked back towards Hermione and kissed her lightly on   
the forehead. The kiss held longing, love, and the promise of something more. I rested my   
cheek on the top of her head and was just content to hold her. Hold her until she had to   
leave me once more.   
It was true. We could not be together. She was Hermione Granger, Head Girl and a   
Gryffindor. I was Draco Malfoy, captain of the Slytherin Quidditch team, but most   
importantly a Slytherin. Gryffindors and Slytherins did not mix well, at least not in the   
eyes of our peers.   
Sighing to myself, I held her more closely still not wanting to break the intimate   
connection we still shared, and waited for the time when she would leave once more.  
  
-------  
Listen girl, you want me but he needs you  
Yet you're telling me that everything is cool  
Trying to convince me, baby to do as you say  
just go along and see things your way  
  
And keep it on the down low (whispering)  
Nobody has to know  
We can keep it on the down low (whispering)  
Nobody has to know  
-------  
  
"Oh do shut up, Granger!"  
"I'd watch myself if I were you, Malfoy! Or I'll personally see to it that you become   
a professionally trained circus ferret!"  
"I hate you!"  
"Well, I hate you more!"  
  
And with that, the games had begun. She turned on her heel so quickly that her silky   
locks brushed my nose. I caught the barest whiff of her coconut scented shampoo as her   
footsteps echoed throughout the hallway. I grinned in spite of myself...almost a silly smile.   
However, my thoughts were cut short as a bespectacled classmate of mine was glaring at me.   
The celebrity boy himself: Harry Potter. He wasn't very spectacular to look at. Rather plain   
really. Black hair, green eyes, and a lightning-bolt shaped scar in the middle of his forehead.   
Ok, so maybe there was something unusual about his appearance. I smirked at him as he made his   
way towards me. He was perhaps only a foot away from me when he started to berate me.  
  
"What is your problem Malfoy?"  
"Why Potter, I have absolutely NO idea what you're referring to," I said, rather   
smugly if I do say so myself.  
"You know what," he glared at me, "Hermione! You're always picking a fight with her,"  
"Hey! Can I help it if your halfling girlfriend gets in my way?"  
"Don't call her a halfling! She's as much a witch as you'll ever be a wizard...perhaps   
even more so!"  
  
That part I agreed with him on. Hermione would always be better than me. It was part   
of her charm in a strange sort of way. How she would always be pooring over a book, just   
absorbing mountains of information. It all simply fascinated her, she would say. I would   
only smile and say that SHE fascinated me. Then she would blush and continue with her   
reading. Sometimes even aloud so I could join her in this world of information, she so   
loved. But I couldn't think of that now. Not with her BOYFRIEND glaring at me.  
  
"Look Potter. Keep your girlfriend outta MY way and I'll stay outta HERS! Now, if   
you'll excuse me...I'm late for Charms class,"  
"If anyone at this school needs charm, it's YOU Malfoy,"  
  
With that, I gave a half-mocking bow and turned on my heel. Leaving the boy-wonder   
to glare daggers at my back. I could only imagine the many deadly thoughts running through   
his head. Possibly my demise was one of them. But such unpleasant thoughts aren't digested   
properly before Charms. More pleasant thoughts of Hermione and myself the night before were   
dancing through my brain to chase the unpleasant ones away. I smiled to myself and forgot   
all about Wonder-Brat.  
  
-------  
Secret lovers is what you want to be  
While making love to him, girl you're silently calling on me  
What is a man to do in a situation like this?  
I feel there is something that I don't wanna miss  
  
And keep it on the down low (whispering)  
Nobody has to know  
I'll keep it on the down low (whispering)  
Nobody has to know  
--------  
  
The Yule Ball is something that cannot truly be explained unless you see it for   
yourself. Although many have tried it is truly a sight to behold. Snow falls from the   
enchanted ceiling and the room is a dull gold from the candlelight. The tables are lined   
with food and wine, and music plays from the front of the Hall. It is alive with colour as   
couples dance and make idle chatter with one another.   
The young lady on my arm was begging for a dance with me and I was poigently turning   
her down each time. Poor Pansy, I thought, still toddling after me like a doting little   
sister. It was rather pathetic at times, but my family had far too many ties with hers to   
simply "cut away the dead weight" as my father had so eloquently put it. It wasn't that   
she wasn't pretty, she was....the same way that a pug dog is pretty.   
However, tonight she managed to look somewhat decent. She wore a simple green dress   
with a few stray bows and a far-too-low collar. There wasn't enough cleavage to give enough   
of a curve, so it mostly hung on her. I, myself was dressed in black dress robes with a   
dark-green almost black cape that gave just the right impression of a menacing figure. I   
loved it.  
  
"Please, Draco. Can't we have one dance?" she asked in that winy tone of voice.  
"In a moment, Pansy. In a moment,"  
  
She huffed slightly but continued to be somewhat content on just being on my arm.   
The truth of the matter was, I wasn't much of a dancing fan and would rather have been put   
under one of Mr. Granger's drills than be dancing. But, nonetheless, I was raised a gentleman   
and a gentleman always gives a lady at least one dance. Mother raised me right bloody well.   
Looking down at the steadily tapping foot, I decided that I might as well get the   
torture over with, so I could at least get some kind of peace tonight. It was when I was   
leading her onto the dance floor that I caught...I'm not sure how to describe it. A vision,   
perhaps?  
She was wearing an icey-blue dress, not too fancy but just her type of dress. Wrapping   
around her neck in a choker type-fashion and heading straight down, curving at all the right   
places. A snow-coloured cloak covered her shoulders, and saved her modesty. Hermione was   
breathtaking...and she was dancing. I swore, right then and there, she belonged onto an   
ice-skating music box. She was so poised, graceful...beautiful.  
  
"Draco?"  
  
Looking down, into Pansy's questioning gaze, I smiled in answer and began to dance   
with her. We moved in synch with the music, moving just so when the music reached a heavily   
accented note. It was funny tho, I was actually having a good time. Perhaps, it was the   
music that I was listening to that made it wonderful. Perhaps it was that I was mostly   
concentrating on the steps and movements rather than where I was. But, the most suspect   
cause, was that I was not seeing Pansy in my embrace. I was seeing Hermione. My beautiful   
Hermione.  
I could see her in my arms. One hand on the back of my neck and the other in my own   
hand. Our bodies moving as one in time to the music, seeing only each other, and the entire   
room fading away. Just we two. I could see ourselves dancing and then as the music ended,   
we kissed. It was a nice little daydream. But, sadly, they all come to an end. Because when   
the music ended, it was not me she was kissing.  
  
Hermione was kissing Harry....and my heart was breaking.  
  
--------  
Beautiful you are, but you're his by far  
Comin' by my way drivin' his fancy car  
Makin' plans to be in my life forever  
Tell me, tell me that we'll always be together  
  
Keep it on the down low (whispering)  
Nobody has to know  
Keep it on the down low (whispering)  
Nobody has to know  
--------  
That night, it was very hard for me to sleep. The image of her kissing Harry kept   
repeating itself in my mind over and over and over again. It was sadistic, I know, but I   
couldn't help myself. Why was this bothering me so? It never had before.  
It was true, Hermione was Harry's girlfriend. I accepted that. She was in love with   
him. I understood that. They were to be married. I expected that. She was sleeping with me.   
THAT I didn't understand. She was in love with Harry, right? Why was she sneaking down to be   
with me? What was it about me? Why?   
I had asked her once. Why? Why are you with Harry? And, I'll never forget what she said   
to me. She said,  
  
"Because it was expected,"  
  
Thinking upon it, it was expected. She was his best friend since first year and they   
had never been seperated. Sure, she had dated Weasley for awhile, but that fizzled out when   
he set his sights on a cute Ravenclaw Chaser. (A/N: I LOVE RON! Don't FLAME ME!) But, soon   
after that, she began to date Harry. Nobody was truly surprised, least of all me. But,   
somehow...through it all, I always felt a pang of...something!   
Which brought me back to my current dilemma.   
  
WHY WAS I FEELING SO DAMNED JEALOUS OF HER KISSING HARRY???   
  
Suddenly, it hit me like wildfire.   
  
"Oh my God.......I love her,"  
  
I was madly, totally, crazy in love with Hermione Granger...and I couldn't do   
anything about it.   
  
"This fucking sucks!!" I screamed into my pillow.  
  
Why can't we be together? my heart screamed. 'Because,' my brain reasoned, 'you're a   
Slytherin and a Malfoy. Your family is pure-blood wizard and your father is as dark as wizard   
as Hershey's chocolate is brown.'  
It was true. Slytherins and Gryffindors could NOT be together. First of all, the rivalry   
alone would kill us. So would our classmates come to think of it. Besides, she was Wonder-boy's  
girl...how would it look if his arch-nemesis took his girl? Not good...so what else was there   
left?  
I resolved to myself that I would tell her tonight. I would tell her how I felt and   
then I would let her go. I would let her go back to the life she deserved. She deserved a   
life with Harry. She deserved a life with fat babies, a picket fence and a husband who would   
never be suspected as having any ties to the dark lord.   
Startling me out of my thoughts was the light knocking on my door. She was here!   
Grinning to myself, I got up to open the door. Inside my head, I kept repeating to myself.   
  
'Just for tonight, I can pretend at least. Just for tonight I can say that she was   
mine...despite what everyone else thought. She was mine...all mine.'  
  
--------  
Listen babe, I won't whisper a word  
Because nobody has to know  
  
A/N: Tell me how much it sucks and maybe I'll stop writing.....or not! ^_^ Please leave   
me a review. ^_^ I beg of thee! 


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